Isn't this one a dandy? I surprised myself with the wonderful results. And as usual with my nicest stuff, I gave it away...
Today would have been my father's 64th birthday. I cried every time I thought of it, a whole bunch of times throughout the day. Just how long is this mourning process supposed to last? It's been well over a year and still I feel so raw. I miss him so much - maybe even more than I did a year ago. And what's up with the thing how we tend to cloud reality by only remembering the greatest stuff about a loved one after they die, and forget all the painful parts? Me and my Dad had far from a perfect father-daughter relationship. But now that he's dead, all I can think of is how great he was. Well, he was great - an amazing man under anyone's standards. But he wasn't the best dad in the world, and actually he did a lot of crappy things to me over the years. I guess maybe reality will set in eventually...
1 comment:
Wow, I stumbled across this and saw the beautiful artwork and had to read. I know it's an old post but I had to comment. I was touched by your messages about your father. Mine passed away almost 4 years ago now. Things like your post pull my heart strings and remind me of the sorrow I feel at his absence. I don't even fight the block in my throat or the welling of tears in my eyes anymore. I allow them to be there. Cleansing and clearing me momentarily of my current troubles or occupations. I know it will pass, but I'm grateful for the small heart felt moments. It's a tie to a love that as imperfect as it was, it was still there. As bad as it may have seemed or actually been at the time, this tie of love still binds us. I too have wondered as you and others about this remembering of the good things. Here's what I have finally arrived at. Why not remember the good, improve upon that, hold on to that. Those who have passed can no longer change the course of thier actions here, so let it go with them. Most of us would be well off to not burden ourselves with carrying around the mistakes of our parents or the feelings those mistakes caused us. Just maybe they would have done better had they known better. Now we know better and we can at least do that much better. Forgiving is a gift for those who give it, it heals and lifts the giver more than the act of being forgiven.
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